“Am I doing it correctly?”, asks every parent ever. Nothing is “good” or “bad”, “right” or “wrong” when it comes to raising kids. Parenting is a tough but wholesome and fulfilling process, with a lot of learning and mistakes involved, and we might always feel underprepared. Did you know that every parent follows a distinct parenting style that is guided by their own childhood experiences, awareness, and individual thought processes?
Here, we shall discuss the various parenting styles, their pros and cons, and how they affect a child’s psychology.
Early childhood experts suggest four parenting styles based on developmental psychologist Dr. Diana Baumrind’s research and Maccoby & Martin’s theory.
- Authoritarian or Disciplinarian
- Authoritative or Democratic
- Neglectful or Indifferent
- Permissive or Indulgent
What Type Of Parent Are You?
- The Authoritarian Parent
“Do this because I told you.”
“Finish your vegetables if you want dessert.”
“Timeout, buddy!”
Authoritarian or “helicopter” parents often say similar things and love to hover around the child. High expectations, the urge to control all aspects of their life, and low responsiveness are highlights of an authoritarian parenting style. Authoritarian parents demand cooperation and respect by establishing iron-clad rules, evoking fear, and behaving strictly. Communication is mostly one-way and punishments are often handed out if rules are broken.
Resultantly, children may:
- get overly reliant on parents
- become insecure with low self-esteem
- throw temper tantrums
- experience behavioural problems
- have poor socio-emotional and coping skills
However, being authoritarian sometimes is not the worst. Since authoritarian parenting clearly defines rules, children are more likely to exhibit good behaviour and are more goal-driven because they adhere to detailed plans. Also, authoritarian parenting strongly focuses on the child’s safety, so it diminishes the possibility of indulging in risks.
- The Authoritative Parent
“You must eat healthy food if you want to become strong.”
“Do you think you could’ve done this in a better way?”
“Let’s finish our homework before we go out to play.”
An authoritative parent also has high expectations for maturity and achievement, but they respond warmly and set boundaries using reasoning and explanations. They’ve open discussions on issues, negotiate rules, acknowledge feelings, and believe in making kids aware of morals, goals, and values. Being supportive and affectionate helps them regulate negative behaviours. Resultantly, children:
- are more active, happy, independent, and content
- develop high self-confidence
- exhibit less aggressive or violent tendencies
- behave more rationally
- are more socially competent and securely anchored to their beliefs
- believe in expanding their learning
However, as children step into teenage, authoritative parents need to be a little more strict to deal with rebellion, apathy, and anger.
- The Indifferent Parent
“Did he finish his homework today?”
“Where is she?”
“Why is the food still on the table?”
The above statements reflect an uninvolved parenting style. Indifferent or uninvolved parents may often lack knowledge about their child’s whereabouts. However, it may not be intentional. Sometimes the parents are busy in their jobs (due to financial constraints), dealing with mental issues of their own, overwhelmed by unexpected pregnancy, or have a low self-esteem themselves so they believe that the child would do better outside their supervision.
Resultantly, children may:
- turn more impulsive
- find it hard to self-regulate
- turn aggressive to demand attention
- grow mature before their age because they need to raise themselves
A little guidance and lots of social support can help neglectful parents overcome issues and connect with their child.
- The Permissive Parent
“You don’t want to eat green? Okay, let’s eat chocolate.”
“Didn’t clean your room? Make sure that you tidy it up this weekend.”
“So, you’re saying you don’t understand maths in class. Let’s find you a tutor.”
Permissive parents often find themselves saying all this. They’re highly responsive, warm, and indulgent but have low expectations, and don’t enforce rules or set boundaries as they’re afraid to disappoint their children. Since they can’t say “no” to kids, they often end up pampering them. As a result, children may:
- fail to learn to respect rules
- easily manipulate adults into doing their bidding
- exhibit egocentric tendencies and poor self-control
- frequently experience fights and breakups as a result of their inability to deal with social interactions and relationships.
Permissive parents need to be a little more rational and strict when setting limits and expectations, as it’s good for their child in the long run.
Which Parenting Style Is Most Effective Today?
Well, no one can answer this question with a 100% guarantee. However, early childhood research states that authoritative parenting may yield the best outcomes in children. Just remember that balance is the key! We can raise our kids beautifully by raising ourselves in the process.
We, at Ekya Schools, take ownership of your child’s learning because we understand the pressure our parents go through, especially during the early childhood and teen years. We firmly believe that parents are major stakeholders in their child’s learning process. So, we have thorough one-on-one meetings where our teachers and parents collectively discuss the learning gaps and join hands to apply best solutions for improving children’s performance. We also conduct parenting workshops and offer guidance & counselling for our students’ personal and professional development.